I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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