last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
