Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
