My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
