He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
