Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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