At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
