just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
