my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
