If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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