I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
