Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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