u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
