I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
