I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have demons in me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
