so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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