My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
