walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
