I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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