I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
