id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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