she kept yelling 'call me bella'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
