He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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