dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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