tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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