I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
