she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
