that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
