I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
