do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
