Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
