Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize