There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize