he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
