If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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