I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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