I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
