Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
