Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
