Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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