I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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