This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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