i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize