no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
