I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
