Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
