Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
