Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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