it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Congratulations! We have a period
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
