did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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