i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
