how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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