went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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