note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
