Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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