the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
