the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
