Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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