i would punch a child for taco bell
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
