i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
