at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize