EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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