So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
