and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
