He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
