He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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