He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
